I freeze....

..when I witness abuse. As mild as word abuse (bosses raising voices, mothers scolding their children in public, the works) I freeze. Physical abuse is much worse. When I witness some punches thrown out or some kind of
malicious shoving and pushing, I suddenly feel myself moving to another planet.. I can't move, my mind stays blank, I hear screams in the background amidst fuzzy images. My heart beats fast, I feel goosebumps, I sweat and I tremble with fear.

I fear those because I got beaten senseless many times and heard some very nasty remarks from relatvies sometime ago. When I was a child, I think. And I still feel it everytime I witness some.

I hate parents who beat their children. I hate teachers who beat their students. I hate husbands who hit their wives. I don't like siblings who hurt each other (but I think this happens all the time).

But sometimes, I am one of them. I think I hit my sister a long time ago when we were still kids, out of anger. And I still regret it, until now.

I try hard to make up with my brothers and sisters now. I fight hard to stay calm when I'm angry (anger management, hehehehe). I restrain myself when I
felt like hitting somebody (strait jacket! hehehe).

I hope I'd be a good parent. I'm practicing with my sister's baby, and I think I'm spoiling her. I'm a little glad I'm away from home now (though I miss her very much) because I might have spoiled her to death if I were home with them all the time.

I heard......

....from Keni (Japanese officemate) that most Japanese men are not circumcised.

I miss..

... walking around the city in cool weather
... living in a small city where you almost know everybody
... cooking and eating barbecue
... driving around
... playing billiards in our basement
... hanging around with my brothers and sisters
... playing goofy with my baby niece
... gossiping with friends
... friday lunch outs
... weekend nights movie dates with friends
... occassional dinner with the tsonggos
... out of town trips with the tsonggos
... asaran with pilak girls
... jologs talk with irish, kat, donits and the others
... night time moments with my sister's baby (she always falls asleep on my stomach hehehe)
... gross talks with pilak doctors/scientists
... more gross talks with gay friends
... reminiscing the old days
... daydreaming
... a walk in the park
... DVD nights at the dorm
... dancing at malate, roppongi or streetlife
... coffee moments at ATC or Festival mall
... drinking party at Eden's place
... afternoon starbucks coffee break with tins
... watching recorded korean telenovelas with diehard sisters
... looking stupid just to make our baby niece smile or laugh
... scaring my youngest sister at night
... evening walks (or run) with our dog
... sweating everytime I park the car at home
... eating mami at a friend's restaurant in baguio
... picking wild sayote to mix with the sardines for dinner
... hang around metropolitan park with brother and sister
... browse books in powerbooks or national bookstore
... eating purefoods tender juicy hotdog being sold at robinson's imus
... bacon mushroom melt!

i have more, but it will take me days to finish and it will make me more depressed just thinking about all of it.

job description

I've done the following in my current job as a Research and Development Engineer:

1. Programming (sometime ago)
2. Testing (every project)
3. Test plan creation (sometime ago)
4. Evaluate members (every project)
5. Check source codes (every project)
6. Create and manage schedule (on some projects)
7. Counselling (as need arises)
8. Personnel advisor (as need arises)
9. Telemarketing, marketing (when no job assigned)
10. Create office layout (when nobody else wants the dirty work and I was stupid to take it)
11. Procure servers, computers and office stuff (same as above)
12. Canvass prices for procurement of #11 (same as above)
13. Joker/Clown (every day)
14. Daydreamer (every day, when bored to death)
15. Motivator (once in my whole working life)
16. Sanitary Engineer (floor/pc/table cleaning) (as need arises)
17. Telephone operator (wehn no job assigned, or when nobody else wants to answer the damn phone)
18. Budgeting (once in a while, project-based)
19. Party planner (sometime ago)
20. Study (when I have time)
21. Gossip (every opportunity)
22. Pig out (due to stress)
23. Work at home (quite frequent these days)
24. Recruitment (when our HR officer is too stupid to do her/his own job)
25. Examiner (when the job was pushed on my face)
...
...
...

my list goes on and on and on.. but I don't want to spoil your general idea of an "R&D Engr"